the cold months are a time of silence. the bird feeders sustain a quiet buzz during the precious few hours of daylight and sometimes there is coyote song on the wind or an owl mourning in the forest during the long hours of the night. The distant sound of a train whistle in the valley … Continue reading pulse
whether i'm suited to working alone by nature or by habit, i spend a lot of time by myself. i run to the garden or the woods or the fields when my mind is overworked, my body is understimulated, or my heart is full and heavy. consciousness fades when i'm solitary and busy and i … Continue reading companion
until i was about twenty-two years old, i was a little bit prissy. an indoor cat. a voracious reader. allergic to exertion. i found myself at a crossroads at twenty-two. some experiments in adulthood had failed and i was at loose ends. somewhat at random, i decided was going to get big into horses. like … Continue reading noncompliant
new spring shoots are usually green, but they appear in other bewitching shades: smooth, shining peony fingers the color of fresh blood; stinging nettles as violet and barbed as a bruise; the tender, fleshy pink tendrils of bleeding heart. what thrusts up from the chill, dormant earth is often astonishing and mournfully lovely. in the … Continue reading alone
i've been spending my free time in the woods this spring. a little over half of my acreage is wooded, more or less. it has been neglected and mismanaged since long before I began to steward it. storms rip through and drop whole trees under snow or ahead of gales. birches and poplar crowd into … Continue reading canopy
i have always hated my body. not in a weight/shape kind of way or a gender dysphoria kind of way, although, yes. both of those, too. this hatred is more existential than that. i have always felt like i am this pristine little metal chip, this soft and tidy spirit trapped inside a nightmare trashcan. … Continue reading breath
i was messaging with a friend recently and they told me that they admired my strength. they said other nice things, too, and i was flattered. this is a person whose opinion i value, because they’re open, kind, and honest. i aspire to strength. i can tamp down all the inconvenience of being unsure or … Continue reading fist
seven years ago, my life changed. i brought home this weird fat little miniature pinscher, not knowing that it was the start of true love. dogs, generally, love me. i guess that’s probably why i love dogs. in my soul, i’m a cat person. but dogs adore me and you can’t just say no to … Continue reading bellissima
there’s a little rowan tree growing in my garden. well, at the moment, it’s sleeping soundly. but last fall, i received a small sapling, grown with love by a twitter friend and gifted to me when i visited his garden. sorbus pseudovilmorinii, a distant relative of our native serviceberry, with lacy fronds for foliage and … Continue reading rowan
living in your own head, in your own body, you should be the expert in your own existence. and yet, the constant upload of norms and mores and values and beliefs blocks all but the most in-depth existential understanding of self. i only ever remember feeling like me. i was called "girl", but that was … Continue reading 01100111 01101001 01110010 01101100 00001010
the gumboot gumshoe 