the leitmotif of mid-autumn is deception. a heavy dew that looks like hoarfrost but doesn't kill. roadsides littered with heaps of trash that turn out to be apples. animals that scurry in front of your car's tires that are really flocks of brown leaves or, sometimes, vice versa. sound travels oddly. walking from the top … Continue reading lies


i wonder what i thought my life was going to be like. i have tenuous recollections of dreams i cherished. most were of heedless freedom. i was unsettled, ungrown, unprepared when i learned that i was going to be a mother. of all eventualities, that was the least obvious and least longed for. like a … Continue reading nests

renewable, pt 1

this post isn't pretty. it's nuts and bolts narrative and bad photos of my grody basement. but i'm really enthusiastic about what we accomplished and wanted to share it. i didn't need to hear this winter that my oil-fired boiler was failing. after a week of it spewing out black soot, i had a technician … Continue reading renewable, pt 1


with spring cometh the bear. we're supposed to take down our bird feeders by april 1, but have you seen the weather in the northeast this year? it's 30 april and we had an inch of snow last night. i was righteously procrastinating. it's ridiculous how persnickety i get about bringing the feeders in. they're … Continue reading ursus


i know there are people who live in all kinds of climates who are happy to be indoors. i am not one of those people. i hate being indoors. i hate housework. i hate indoor hobbies. unless i'm ill or exhausted, i hate plopping down to watch tv or a movie. it always feels like … Continue reading outside


i spent a couple of years as a milker on small-scale industrial dairy farms. milking on a modern dairy is all about rhythm, the kind of rhythm that's all about muscle memory and the kind of subconscious hyper-focus that you see on films of ladies picking bad coffee beans off a constantly moving conveyor belt. … Continue reading kinesis


a tree is shown broken off near the base of the trunk with splintering

on a gentle western slope near the summit at a reasonably high altitude, wind is a near constant on the farm. i count days before i can safely burn brush. i curse it in winter when it brings below-freezing temperatures down to subzero windchills. i goad it in spring when i need it to blow … Continue reading wind


february, the shortest month, is the longest of all months in the northern calendar. day after bone-achingly cold day, grinding you down, making you question the existence of anything good besides sleep, february is kind of the worst. this year, february was... not cold. it was not 28 subzero days, each one a million years … Continue reading longest


after our two weeks of bitter, arctic cold, we had two days of thaw. it was 50ºF (10ºC) and rainy, which brought down the snow pack a lot and left hard, treacherous ice behind. i ran the hose twice: once at the start of the thaw and once at the end of it. three more … Continue reading fear